also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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