I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
