your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish I could punch you in the face.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
