it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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