i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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