ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
