Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
