Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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