I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
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I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
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I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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