Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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