for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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