we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
