If that was your dad, he is hot
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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