Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
