He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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