i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
