Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
