Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
