Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
