Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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