im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
