I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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