what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
