Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
