grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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