I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
