so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
