I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
