Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
