I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
