love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
