D3 body, D1 cock
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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