Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
