im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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