It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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