the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
