Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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