Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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