fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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