YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
