The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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