Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
