I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
