How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
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I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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