and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
