i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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