oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
