So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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