i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize