so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
