who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
