Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
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Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Randomize