Just cropdusted the office
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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