Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
