In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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