So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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