When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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