Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize