I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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