i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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