hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
