sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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