I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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