If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
