the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he was CRYING into my vagina
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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