So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
