he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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