so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
