Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
