the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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