I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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