It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
