I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
