Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize