Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
