ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
