ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I supernannyed him into submission
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
