I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
