I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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