I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
