Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
