I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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