puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
